


Hindsight

by Echele78



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Coda, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, M/M, Missing Scene, Parabatai Bond, Post-Break Up, Post-Episode 3x18: The Beast Within, Sad, Siblings, Sobbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 05:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20754737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Echele78/pseuds/Echele78
Summary: Alec regrets breaking up with Magnus





	Hindsight

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I ever wrote. I had read all of the “Regrets” prompt fills for [Ficlet Instruments](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/sh_ficletinstruments) the day before this idea slammed into my brain. This definitely sparked something in me. I’ve really enjoyed creating stories for the Shadowhunters fandom and contributing to it in some small way. Much love to all the awesome creators of all kinds; writers, artists, editors, etc. I appreciate you all. I hope this fandom, that I love so much, will be alive and well for many years to come. ➰💜

Alec leaves his mother’s shop. It’s taken everything in him to walk out that door and close it behind him. Now he just has to, somehow, make it back to the Institute before he breaks down on the sidewalk.

With Herculean effort, he makes it there. He barely keeps his composure as he walks through the busy Ops Center, heading to his room. He’s not as inconspicuous as he thinks he is though. Izzy sees him and immediately knows something is wrong. She follows him to his room and Alec doesn’t dismiss her when she shuts the door behind them.

He faces her and that’s it, the final straw to the fragile grip he has on his emotions. His knees buckle and he’s on the floor sobbing before Izzy can cross the room to him. She kneels down beside him and cradles his head against her shoulder and just rocks him. She doesn’t try to make him talk right now; he couldn’t even if he wanted to. She knows that whatever it is, all she can do is be there for him and let him cry it out.

Once Alec’s sobs lessen, Izzy pulls away slightly to look in his eyes. “What is it, Alec? What’s going on?” she asks softly. All he can manage in between broken sobs is, “I did it. It’s done.” Izzy doesn’t need to hear anymore. She knows exactly what he’s talking about. She can’t believe that he actually went through with his decision to break up with Magnus. She didn’t think he would really do it but she also knows her brother, the one who will do anything to make sure the people he loves are happy and whole.

“Oh Alec,” Izzy says as she pulls him back in tightly to try to give him some small amount of comfort. He continues to cry until there’s a knock on the door. He looks at Izzy with his wide, red-rimmed eyes that clearly say, “Please don’t let them in." She gets up from her place on the floor beside Alec to answer the door. It’s Jace. Izzy turns to Alec and with a small nod of his head he gives the okay for his parabatai to enter.

With one look at Alec, Jace crosses the room to him and takes over Izzy’s position beside Alec on the floor. “I knew something was wrong. I could feel it through the bond. This feeling can only mean one thing, something has happened to Magnus. What is it?” he asks Alec.

As soon as Jace hugs him, the tears begin again in earnest. Alec can’t speak so Izzy tells Jace everything. Jace looks at Alec then back to Izzy, who just shakes her head. Neither of them knows exactly what to do to make this better, to help their brother through the worst moment of his life, so Izzy joins them on the floor and she and Jace console Alec as best as they can.

♦♦♦♦

Maryse sees Alec barely make it through the Ops Center then watches Izzy and, a few minutes later, Jace, leave and head towards the dormitory area of the Institute. She decides to give them some time to return but when they aren’t back in several minutes, she goes in search of them.

The doors to Izzy’s and Jace’s rooms are open with no one inside. Alec’s door is closed so Maryse assumes that’s where her children have gone. As she raises her hand to knock, she can hear muffled voices and what sounds like crying. She eases the door open and is not prepared for the sight in front of her. Her oldest son - a soldier, Shadowhunter, the Head of the New York Institute - is on the floor racked with tears, his siblings trying their damnedest to comfort him. Maryse is across the room in an instant. Izzy and Jace move out of her way and she gathers Alec in her arms. She strokes his hair as he puts his arms around her and hugs so tightly she has trouble breathing. That doesn’t matter though. Something is wrong with her baby and she is going to find out what.

She looks to Izzy and Jace for an explanation. They start to speak but Alec cuts them off. He has a hard time getting the words out between the tears, but he tells her everything; about the proposal that didn’t happen, how Magnus said he couldn’t be happy without his magic and his own plan to make Magnus whole again.

She looks at him with what can only be described as shock and disbelief. He can tell she is wondering, “How could you have done this monumentally stupid thing?” but he knows she won’t ask him that so he volunteers, “I regret it all. Making the decision. Going to Asmodeus. Thinking I could fix everything…or anything for that matter. Thinking that it was my job to make it better instead of to just be there for Magnus and love him. But most of all, I regret not talking to Magnus about all of it in the first place. Now look at me. I don’t know that I will ever get over this. I don’t know how I move on from here.” Alec looks at his mother for advice and comfort. Maryse hugs him tightly and says, “I know this is clichéd and not at all what you want to hear right now but it will get better. You will heal and you will move on. You’ll never forget Magnus and I expect you will always love him but it will get easier.”

“But what do I do until it gets easier?” Alec asks. “I can’t be the Head of the Institute, expecting Shadowhunters to follow my lead into battle and listen to my orders, when I can’t even pick myself up off of this floor." “Well, we start there then.” Maryse says. She pulls away from Alec and places her hands on his cheeks. She rubs his tears away with her thumbs and looks him in the eyes, “First things first, we get up off the floor and over to the bed.”

Slowly, Alec rises and makes his way over to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’ll go get some tea”, offers Izzy as she leaves the room. Maryse sits down by Alec and starts to help him take his jacket off while Jace starts on his boots. Once they have him stripped down to his t-shirt and boxer briefs, they pull back the covers and put him in bed. Izzy is back with the tea which she places on his nightstand.

Alec has pretty much cried out all of the tears he has and he’s exhausted. He’s thankful to his mother and his siblings for all they’ve done for him. Logically, he knows that somehow he’ll get through this. That he’ll eventually heal and he’ll move on, secure in the knowledge that Magnus has his magic back and is whole again. Logic means nothing tonight. He still needs support and love so he asks Izzy and Jace if they would mind staying with him. Of course they say yes. Jace couldn’t physically be anywhere else anyway, with his parabatai in the shape he’s in and Izzy would never leave her brother when he’s feeling this way. They crowd into the bed around Alec and hope they can give him some of their strength.

Maryse knows that Alec is in good hands with his siblings. They’ve always had each other’s backs and made it through the worst of times together. She tells them all she loves them as she kisses their foreheads good night then turns off the light and closes the door as she leaves Alec’s room.

She doesn’t know if she can make this right, or if anyone can. She just knows she has to talk to Magnus. She goes into Alec’s office, grabs the Lightwood family ring and leaves the Institute on one of the most important missions of her life.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
